Intentional Motherhood

Last week on Instagram I wrote about a struggle I’d been having as a mother, and was met with such support, and shared stories, and encouragement…

Thank you all for your insights and for helping me to think clearly…it has given me much to think and write about and I wanted to continue the wonderful conversation on the blog…

I’ve added a ‘Motherhood’ category to the website, as a place to share glimpses of parenting…and playing…in an intentional way: one that is based on the concepts of Hygge and living with less…

From my Instagram post:

“I’ve felt out of touch, lost…buried in guilt that I’m not *mothering* correctly… My son is very independent, doesn’t like to cuddle and doesn’t want to be consoled when upset… this makes it difficult for me to find that closeness with him that I seek in my everyday life.”

It’s easy to get caught up in the idyllic images we envision of how motherhood should be. I always had this idea that my baby would want to cuddle me in bed, would nuzzle his head into my neck or need me when upset… However, my son doesn’t do these things, and it was making it difficult for me to feel bonded with him. I am a ‘touch’ person…and without these things, I didn’t know what to offer him, that would make us feel close. Anyone can feed him and change him… but if it wasn’t touch, what made him need me?

My dear friend Lauren mentioned that I might like the book, ‘The Danish Way of Parenting.’ I got it last week and immediately began putting its words into practice . . . It reminds us that Hygge is about togetherness− doing things for “we” and not “I”.

I had been looking at motherhood from what I wanted to get out of it. I wanted cuddles and kisses and touch. But I was neglecting to look at it from what my little one needed… I needed to let him…simply be him.

When the time spent with my son is about simply being together, doing things his way and not about some ideal that I have in my head, I find that the closeness, the bond that I was seeking, comes easy…

So I began thinking of touch in a different way. Like I mentioned, I am a person of cuddling, kissing and touching. But that extends to my hunger for all tactile experiences. Using my hands…to feel, to create…is who I am: the softness of bread dough as you knead it, the flour that covers you up to the elbow, the cool, dense feel of clay as you make a ceramic bowl, the chalky feel of paint, the experience of writing, with pen and paper…all of these tactile experiences are so important to me and help to make me who I am…

and I wanted to create more of them for my son. So we went ‘exploring’ around the house today. We touched the shaggy rug, the cold countertops, the metal of the door handles, the light, gauzy curtains. He explored the kitchen whisks and wooden spoons, and the fuzziness of an old sweater.

Then we came upon a bucket that I have…that’s filled with feathers. I thought he might enjoy the soft, tickling feel of feathers…in contrast to the sturdy, wooden bucket…

At first, he was hesitant. He picked up one feather…and then another…and then a whole handful. We had fun watching the feathers float through the air…and we laughed as we tickled our faces with them. After he’d thoroughly emptied the bucket of its contents…he then proceeded to pick up the bucket, dump it upside down, taste it… to simply, explore…

In what ways have you bonded with your non-touchy child? What unique, tactile experiences have you come up with for your children?


  1. Reply


    March 9, 2017

    I too have a non touchy son, as you know lol and last week he came and told me Ed Sheerwin had a new album that had just debuted. I could tell he wanted to connect as he lingered in the kitchen so I asked him to play some of it for me. We sat down in his room and he played EACH song for me and we talked about what we loved about it. We minds well have been hugging the whole time because of the closeness that I felt to him at that moment! I have thought about that experience a lot since then and cherish what he shared with me. You are such a great mama honey, don’t ever doubt that….

  2. Reply


    March 14, 2017

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